A few weeks ago our alma mater had its 120th anniversary and it was a huge to do. Due to other commitments, my sister and I weren’t able to attend. This whole thing has got me thinking even if I could, would we have been there? Would I have chosen to be there and attend the event? My sister has always been my net for as long I can remember in that particular situation as a kid.
I want to keep it real for a second and ask myself that question. I can honestly say I felt conflicted. I am truly proud of the wonderful education and lessons in growth, strength, love and acceptance that was taught to me (that is just to name a few) in that school. The love and pride I feel, will always be there. We would not be the women, that person that we are as part of this humanity if it was not for that institution.
The adult, always resilient, woke, proud and confident part of me would jump and say “Yes! Go! Just own your sh#% ” as I always tell myself. Having said that, that little Illani that went thru and remembers the threats, the name calling, ridicule, humiliation, loneliness and the “not enoughness” that it caused and how she felt, would most definitely beg to differ.
Do people really change? Some perhaps, but you cannot expect all to.
We have run into old school mates in social situations and also when we hit the bazaar pop-up store scene. The fake niceties in most instances and the side eyes, dirty looks after that is more than apparent. You try not to take it personally but who are we kidding? Do I personally want to risk my emotional health, well being and put myself in that situation? You forgive and let go, but it really can be a challenge to truly forget … to really completely forget.
Maybe it is a challenge, but, you know you are OK ,will be OK and perhaps you realize that you do not need that validation anymore...so why even bother seeking? Just be OK in your “alrightness” there lies peace. Decisions made out of love and not fear.
Would love t o hear your thoughts and experiences on this. Comment below.